and in the end, only kindness matters.

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 17:55:46 GMT

"Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic material as everything else." - fight club.

inspiration.

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 03:57:03 GMT

run away
run away
never look back
run away, never
looking back
i pack my things
i hit the train
im ready for a change
im ready for my life to change
unfamiliar faces
an old man chancking me out
a young girl with a child
a crackhead with a smile
this worlds so fucked upp
and i dont want to be part of it
so i run away run away
never look back.
run away never looking back

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 17:21:13 GMT

i guess ill never understand some people
why they act the way they do, do things with no
remorse, talk shit on someone they hung out
with yesterday, hate on someone before they
know them, be cruel for no apparent reason,
this worlds just completely fucked up. and you'll
never be able to trust anyone. so dont start now.
i hate how people change, and nothings the same
i hate change. and hate when people change
cause sometimes.. i dont end up liking who they
are now. fucked up fucked up the worlds
FUCKED UP.

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 02:40:45 GMT

this friday.. the 15th
graduation party
my house
HOLLA

i miss

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 18:28:59 GMT

my boyfriend. alot.
i can't wait til the 20th

2 more days left of school
and i graduate in a week
what in the hell am i going
to do with myself.
drink until i get sick of it
go to the beach everyday
work everyday
nothing really to look foward to.

Wed, 30 May 2007 22:12:27 GMT

so, it happened. i knew it was going to but i didnt want to believe it. he moved to florida, saying bye was soo hard. i just didnt want to leave. =[ hes suppose to come back in 3 weeks and stay a week, but ill believe that when i see it. its funny how my mom only wants to buy me stuff when im sad, like thats suppose to make me happy or something? oh and did i mention i had to be home last night at 9 when they knew jeremy was leaving, and said if i was late they woould take my keys. so i was late, so no keys. im so tired of STILL being treated like a little kid and being reminded time after time of what i need to do. when im fully capable of doing it without being told, or reminded 70 times. IM NOT A LITTLE KID ANYMORE. im almost 18 what do they not understand. they keep doing this to me, and its just going to make me want to leave. more then i already do.

Thu, 24 May 2007 02:14:29 GMT

why does everything have to be so god damn complicated in my life.
nothing good lasts forever, never forget that.
but at the same time, nothing bad last forever either.
ill get back on my horse.

Tue, 22 May 2007 18:38:32 GMT

you know what i miss. i miss the good ol' days, the beginning of this year. everyone always together, happy, no drama. now a days, no one hangs out anymore, everyones changed, its senior everyones leaving for college, doing their own things. yes yes, my bestfriend is leaving me. =[ i should have believed it when they said your best friends in highschool wont be your best friends forever. and its really sad to think about, because i've known these people all my life, and probably wont talk to most of them within the next 5 years. schools almost over, and its time to get serious. its just amazing how much you learn everyday about life, the real world. and how much you realize you cant depend on anyone to be there, all you got in this life is yourself, so make sure you stay true to who you are.

things to look foward to:
prom
graduation
SUMMER!
tcc =/

things i want to do this summer:
go somewhere out of the country
go to lake gaston.. 4 times
go camping at nags head or obx
go to the beach everyday im not working
throw a party at my house
get a tattoo
make a scarpbook
clean my room.. CLEAN CLEAN
move into the spare room
get my shit straight
find a new job, that pays well
think positive
learn how to surf
go sky diving
go to BG and KD
take a roadtrip
set off 20 fire works at once
go canoeing
make my parents proud
grow 3 inches
make running in the morning a routine
sleep at the beach
give a homeless person 20 dollars
meet lots of new people
invent a new hot sauce
read lots of books
live life and love it.

Wed, 02 May 2007 22:07:05 GMT

so, im sick., i went to the doctor he gave me pain medicine and antibiotics and said to come back if it doesnt get better. well, it hasnt its just gotten worse. i dont have an appetite ive lost 10 pounds in 3 days, i cant take a shower without blacking out, and i dont want to do anything but sleep. and im really scared. just pray i dont have cancer. please god dont let me have cancer because i havnt even put a dent in my "things to do before i die" list. maybe i am overreacting a little, but in situations like this idont think theres time not to worry. but as my theory goes, if i die of cancer then ill be fine with it, because god wanted me to.

i really just want to finish highschool and graduate. =[

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 02:33:40 GMT

got my besty (back) haha
got my boyfrienddd
got my family.
got all i need.

SPRING BREAK '07!!!!
i'm trying to go camping
whos down ? =]

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 02:10:07 GMT

okay. so this entry is directed to a very specific person:
i know you probably think we dont hang out anymore because i have a boyfriend now, and trust me thats not the only case, because i dont even see him everyday, like ive told you plenty of times i work 5-6 days a week now. also, if you thought i was "lying" to you or you caught me in a "lie" on sunday you def. didnt, unless you consider me running my brother to tropical smoothie and not feeling the dier need to tell you, a "lie" then okay i "lied" i actually really was sleeping, and was going back to sleep when i got home. and i also wasnt ditching you, because i called YOU and asked YOU if you wanted to go dress shopping with me, but wasnt sure if i was even able to go and that i would call you back when i talked to my mom. but its whatever. talk shit about me to all your new friends too, cause im sure you are. if something this petty can ruin our friendship then so be it. i mean hey your going to college next year anyways and we probably wont speak again so fuck it. i'm not apologizing for anything, because frankly, i dont believe i have done anything wrong. and i know using lj as a way of communication is dumb, but "you're mad at me, and dont plan on talking to me for a while" so, heres what i have to say. take in what you will.

on the other hand, i've realized alot lately how important family is. and how they will always be there, no matter what. me and my brother get along alot better now, i like it actually. never thought the day would come where i would say that. i havnt had alot of time to myself and i dont like it, havnt had time for school work either. i hate working i really do, but i might as well get use to it because shit, its what ill be doing the rest of my life. gotta make da money honeyyyy. yamean.

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 15:10:44 GMT

sometimes when i sit back and really think about it, i think love is a make-believe thing that we just pretend to be in so we're not lonely. jeremy was talking to his friend about this girl yesterday, cause his friend didnt want a relationship. and jeremy was like "man, relationships are worth it dude, when you find the right person, its definitley worth it" and then he looked over at me. and i gave him one of those little grin/smile things. i really like him and hope it lasts. PLEASE GODDDDDDDDdd but he's moving to his mom's house, in chesapeake. its like 20-25 minutes away =[ mehhhhh oh well. i've been working so much lately, its crazy but i need money, cause ive been spending that like crazy too. i just wish prom would hurry up and come then graduation then summer. cause in the summer time, theres no worries. no worries at all. beach all day party all night. i wish time froze. then i would keep it paused this summer, for all my life. or better yet, make a fucking time machine and bring myself back to the 60s and 70s. yeaaaah man.

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 18:00:22 GMT

i'm so happy right now, its indescribable.
loovvieee dovie lovie dovie all of the timeeee =]

i miss my best friend too.

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 05:45:04 GMT

cigaretteless and about to go crazy.
cant wait till im 18
thank god/whoever put us here
for the life that i have.
im not greatful enough for having the family i do
even thuogh they are strick, and a pain in my ass
its all to show that they care, and just want me
to be alive till i turn grey.
i just like feeling good
so, malibu, here i come.

p.s a little somethting somethin i wrote a bit ago

i wanna be a hippie, but i forgot
how to love
we travel down this road
just to,
turn right back around...
and, nothing last forever
and without you, i'm.. better.
i wanna be a hippier
but i forgot how to love..
yeah, forgot how to love.

someone make a duet with me.
and lets make millions.. deal?
lovelovelove<3 the peace maker/ fucked up jruckus niigga!

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 02:23:18 GMT

i can already tell this is going to be good, and its about god damn time. me gusta muchomuchooo. i need to loose 20 pounds before prom and summer, if not 20 ill settle for 10. talk about loosing weight, i just need to go dress shopping, and figure out who i'm bringing. schools good, grades are good. life, is .. good, once again.

although, i need to stop smoking cigarettes.
i've become a chain smoker.
bad.
badbadbad.

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 02:36:25 GMT

so, about that last entry...
problem solved. =]

boys...

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 00:05:10 GMT

are so fucking stupid. i swear
who lies to their friends saying he had a 3
some with me and my friend?
oh, YOURE COOL.

or, who smokes weed 5 times a day
already has been in jail, and almost gets
arrested again, and gets mad when other
boys call me?

or who is OBSESSIVE and barely knows me?
what the fuckkkkk.

lame. i give up, seriously.

be my friend.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 18:30:52 GMT

i think the drugs are taking over my mind, and choking it with lunacy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERICA!
i guess the title "bestfriend" means shit to some people.
because i havnt seen mine in a millenium.

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 20:44:18 GMT

some sublime and jewel
close friends
mary jane
the beach
chapstick
and starbucks
and i think ill be alright in this world.
cause everythings going to be alright
and in the end, only kindness matters.

upcoming events:

st.pattys day!

420 (brand new @ the norva)

prom

and graduation!!! weeeeeeeee =]

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 23:22:28 GMT

man fuck government.
now im grounded
and all my friends
that i hang out with everyday
are at julz playing guitar hero
and im not there =[
no fair.
oh well, at least it will give me
a chance to do all my government
homework! WHHOOOOO!

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 00:51:15 GMT

after this year is over, im seriously just thinking about moving away.
starting over, forgetting everyone here and meeting new people.
new faces, new places, new things, everything new and exciting.
seriously thinking about it, because my dad might get transfered.
and i really hope we do.

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 18:30:03 GMT

so, friday night after i had finally past out, around 6. i had this crazy dream. some how, i lived on the beach like right on the boardwalk. and my dream started out being at emilees, which i really was. chrissy taking me home in the morning, which she really did. im at home and then its cloudy all i can remember is something made me mad, really really mad. and then it was night time. so i slam open the door to my house on the beach, then begin running on the boardwalk. and just running and running and running and about every 30 seconds i would pass these dim lights, the kind in the old days. i guess they thought it kept the boardwalk lit. all i could hear was the waves crashing it was so relaxing. like in my dream, it felt so real and so good to run. and then i remember someone saying something but i didnt see anyone. and i thought to myself, "i've found myself." and i just kept running and running and running. the boardwalk never ended, i couldnt see anything else but boardwalk and i never stopped running. then i woke up. ha but foreal, what the hell kind of dream is that. it was crazy how real it felt.

but anywhoooo, i definitley made up for lost times this weekened.
i;m chillen out next weekend. yesssirrrrr.
exams next weed =[ god help meeee

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 01:14:53 GMT

dear life,
what a hectic, pleasurable, harsh, enjoyable, confusing,
meaningless (sometimes), and wild journey you've been.
and i love every minute of it.

i'm just ready to get the fuck out of highschool
and move on to bigger and better things.
BRING ON THE STRESS BABY.
hahahha life life life.
theres no amount of words that could describe
how fucking ridiculous it is.
<3

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 01:39:02 GMT

so today was very eventful:

i got in a car accident, not my fault of course,
and my car is undrivable =[ anddd i found out
i was half puerto rican. how fucking cool is that
i knew this ghettoness had to come from
somewhere.

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 22:13:00 GMT

screw virginia
and the friends that are never there
these ciggarettes arnt enough
for my addictions, anymore
so go home now
theres nothing left to see
you were right all along
i've already failed.